The weirdest thing has been happening to me over the last few years. I would watch a Raptor game, be disgusted with the result, take the verbal/visual diarrhea - internalize it, get run down, rock myself in fetal position, sob uncontrollably, twitch…what have you. Then, the game would be over, I would start to feel better, but something would be drawing me back. Like a crack whore to the glass dick of death, every other day (or so), I would flip the TV on, and resume the abuse at the hands of th Raptors.
With the desire to figure out what ails me, I scoured the internet, searching for something, anything, that would help me with this problem. You can’t treat what you can’t diagnose right? I found some interesting things: Philadelphia 76ers Blog (read the first two article headlines, so sweet…..so sweet), but nothing that quite fit the bill. Then one day…EUREKA!, it hit me like the Cleveland Cavaliers hitting the offensive glass against the Raptors, Raptered Fan Syndrome. Please, read carefully, consult your physician, this affects everyone who is reading this blog, the only cure is to switch teams, for the rest of us, knowing is half the battle right? …
Raptered Fan Syndrome is a condition brought on by long-term psychological abuse at the hands of the Toronto Raptors. This abuse is a result of excessive exposure to the Raptors organization:
- The Raptors PR machine (Chuck Swirsky, commentating, radio show and blog).
- Suspect coaching (Smitch).
- A clandestine management team (B.C, Emery and Peddie).
- A substandard product (The Raptors team themselves).
RAPTERED:
Rap·ter
v. rap·tered, rap·ter·ing, rap·ters
v. tr.
- To hit heavily and repeatedly with violent visual/verbal/written blows.
- To subject to repeated beatings or psychological abuse.
- To damage, as by heavy wear.
v. intr.
To pound repeatedly with heavy blows.
[Middle English rapteren, from Old French raptre, from Late Latin rapttere, from Latin rapttuere.]
FAN:
Fan
–noun
an idiot devotee, follower, or admirer of The Toronto Raptors.
[Origin: 1885–90, Americanism; short for fanatic]
Technorati Tags: Raptered Fan Syndrome
March 18th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Dude, that was hilarious!!! i can’t agree with you more.. to be honest thought.. i am not much of a devotee, or follower of the raptors.. rather i just like watching good bball.. i guess that’s why i can’t really sympathize with your situation.. all i can say is that if you ever need someone to cry with bro… that person will not be me!!! lol
good post!
March 18th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
pure gold!
March 18th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Classic stuff!
Expect to see this entry featured in tomorrow’s ‘10-man rotation’ of Ball Don’t Lie‘.
khandor’s last blog post..You Make The Call
March 18th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
and just think…you actually PAID for this abuse at times.
Amazing, innit?
AltRaps’s last blog post..Linkage - March 18
March 18th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
what’s amazing is knowing i suffer from this, and continuing to expose myself to it, at any cost (time, money, sanity, etc).
March 19th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Man I am glad someone figured it out. Now I can go and see if my health plan covers it.
Mix that with March Madness and I better not operate any heavy machinery.
cuzzy’s last blog post..The seven: Favourite basketball teams ever
March 19th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Raps Fan > well you can’t stop now
cuzzy > hmm, good point, who are you insured with? I gotta go check my group plan … hahah … if only they could
March 19th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
You are pioneer in the field of medicine…. You should receive a honorary Phd. I think that you can use this theory for all of the teams under the wing of the MLSE. They make life sickening and yet we cheer for them night in and night out, always hoping that next year will be different. Like a kid waiting for Santa claus to come, writing to him every year, wondering if this year will be THE year. And yet, our hearts are broken EVERY year and we NEVER learn our lesson. We are the stupid ones, b/c MLSE makes there money year in and year out. Its time for a change… Where should we move to??? Lead the way….